For I Am Lost
by Rogue LeBeau12
Summary: (Set 3 years after X-Men the Last Stand) Rogue has gone to take the Cure, and promises she will return after, but goes missing for 3 years. She is found in a lab by the X-Men, but Remy's complicated past is brought back into the situation.
1. Chapter 1

For I Am Lost

CHAPTER 1

The bats flew in numbers from their shadowy depths as Logan stepped on a branch. Kitty squealed as they swarmed around her. She phased through them as they soared towards her. After the squealing ended and the cloud of bats cleared, the room was visible. A dilapidated laboratory- the ceiling beams were caving in and what seemed like miles of cobwebs hung from the ceiling. The room smelled of death. There were thousands of hyperbaric chambers aligned in rows. They were covered in dust. The X men split up around the room to try and see through the glass on each tube. Logan's voice echoed throughout the room as he declared: "Top left corner of the plaque has the name of the mutant inside." He paused in his sentences as he looked at a few others. "They're all in alphabetical order... Look under D. "The X-men searched in the 'D' section for what seemed like hours, until Logan said with a touch of sorrow in his voice, "Lets head back home- she ain't here."

A raspy, thick Cajun accent threw back at him, "We ain't leavin' yet. Not til' we're sure." The others looked at him in amazement. Remy LeBeau hadn't spoken in months. All he did was stay in his room to drink and smoke and God knew what else. His red on black eyes seemed distant- sorrowful and broken yet pleading, fierce and angry all at the same time. Logan received the message and nodded his head.

"Keep searching X Men, split up into groups of four, search everywhere, but be careful because this building could cave in any second. That means, no phasing through columns, got it Half Pint?" He directed at Kitty. She looked at him for a split second a bit shocked and then nodded in compliance.  
The X-men split into groups, Jean being separated from Scott, trotted over to him gracefully and gently planted a peck on Scott's lips, sending a wave of depression through Remy who was watching from a distance. He could feel her lips on his, her smell on his skin, and the feel of her slender fingers intertwined into his. Remy reached into one of his pockets of his trench coat and pulled out a small leather covered flask of bourbon and took a hit. The fiery liquid slithered down his throat and made his fingertips tingle. His mind wandered away from her for a second and then her angelic face popped right into his head again.

Remy, Scott, Logan and Kurt were all in a group together. They headed down dark steps. Scott in front, Logan next, Remy, and last Kurt. They had to keep an arm on the person in front of them, none of them could see in the dark except for Scott who had set his visor to night vision. Logan was next because he could smell the changes in the air. Finally Scott stopped in his tracks. "There's this door here. I'm going to blow it open. Stand back, but don't let go. One more thing. Logan, what do you smell?" They all listened to Logan's sniffing of the air. He paused for a moment and slightly gulped. "Blood. And lots of it." Remy began to tremble a bit. He felt Kurt's hand grab his shoulder tightly and give him a squeeze, reassuringly. Remy ignored it and looked ahead to prepare himself for the worst.

The dust finally cleared and the coughing noises finally stopped. They all stepped into the room which smelled of decay and filth. The room was vast, and the stale air began to filter out. The group looked around the room and all that could be seen were tables with what once were mutants. The corpses were falling apart. Remy looked away as a pang of grief hit him. Who could have done this? Scott exclaimed, "Guys help me move this! There's another door behind these pillars! The group rushed over and together they moved the two columns which had landed in an "X" in front of the door. Inside, the air smelled clean and fresh. A large nuclear-looking machine was in the center of the room and many wires and electrical cables were strewn across the floor.

Then he heard her. "Remy," she called out in a weak voice. He closed his eyes as she whispered again. "Do y'all hear that?" He said as he frantically searched around the room. "Hear vat?" Kurt replied. "She's here! Can't you hear her?" The calling became intensified as she realized he was close. "Remy please," she begged "Ah'm right here..." The whispering dissipated like wisps of cloud in the sky. "No..." He whimpered. "Come back, please!" He frantically began searching for her body, anywhere. He began tearing off panels of metal from the outer skeleton of the machine and looking inside. Logan and Scott tried to stop him but they couldn't get through to him. "Rogue?" He hollered. "Please come back!" The machine started to vibrate and make strange noises. The sputtering stopped for a second and the top of the machine began in a series of small explosions. Remy covered his face to guard the debris falling. The explosions continued to descend down the tower of the machine until it reached what seemed like the central power line and stopped. An even bigger explosion erupted and sent the three men flying backwards and into one another.  
Remy stared at the wreck in horror. Rogue was in there and the machine had just blown up!

Remy crawled amongst the wreck and began sorting through metal scraps. His heart wrenched every single time he moved a piece and didn't find her. Finally, he got to a slab of metal that was burning hot from the fires of the explosion. This must be the center, he thought. Remy placed his hand on it and focused upon the kinetic energy of the object and charged it so much that it disintegrated into thin air. He closed his eyes as he expected the same turnout as all of the other attempts. Instead of nothing, lay a still slender figure. Remy looked down in delight and smiled as he examined the body before him. "R-Rogue?" He stuttered as he felt her skin through her gloves. She had a fever, a high one from the looks of it. He pushed aside the white and auburn bundles of hair from her face and gazed longingly at her beauty. Her skin, a smooth and alabaster surface, her nose just as adorable as he remembered, and her lips, as full and red. But there was something different about her. Instead of her normal "Sleeping Beauty" expression, she seemed troubled, as if she were in a nightmare. He wanted to kiss her and wake her up, but he thought it better to approach her later, when she saw him.

When she saw him? What would she think when she saw him? He felt for his chin and wondered if she would like that he grew out his beard. What else would she think? He considered his physical state. He had lost a noticeable amount of weight, so he had muscle but no real attractive body mass. He had taken up smoking and drinking again opposed to the regimen where Rogue had him on electronic cigarettes and a beer every week. She had him on a leash, he was her lap dog, but he was a really happy lap dog. He had also become a slob, throwing anything and everything on the floor, contrary to his nature. But he had never touched her side of the room. Everything was just as she left it. And that was how he stayed for the past 3 years. In his room, smoking, sobbing and sleeping.

He looked down at her small frame, beads of sweat on her brow. He gently gathered her into his arms, handling her as if he were going to shatter a pane of glass. He inhaled. Lavender. He smiled faintly. He had his love back. She looked so helpless and defenseless lying there. She cuddled up into his chest and he could feel their hearts beating in unison. He turned and began walking towards the other X-men with an enormous smile on his face. The others looked at him in utter confusion and then looked down at Rogue. Kurt looked down at her and his eyebrows knitted together in sorrow. He smiled sadly and touched her white strands.

Remy climbed back up to the surface and through the crowd of X-men. They all gasped and Kitty said, "Oh God." He held her a bit tighter and closer to his heart. He got outside.

What used to be cloudy grey skies now was bright and sunny. The world seemed to breathe out now that it knew Rogue was back. He smiled and walked up to the Blackbird. "Hank?" He called out. "I got m' Rogue back. Can y' help m' here? She feels like she might have a fever. Ah high one too."  
"Let me have a look." Hank positioned his glasses on his fuzzy blue nose as Remy gently laid Rogue down upon a pop-up examining table. Hank began taking her temperature, checking her blood pressure and pulse. "My goodness! You are very lucky to have found her. She is in the beginning phases of a violent case of Influenza. Because I have caught it so early, we can treat it, and the severity and duration of the illness will be decreased tenfold." Hank turned to a small working station desk with drawers and pulled out a long clear tube. He also pulled out a plastic bag of clear liquid and attached the two. "Just some minerals and nutrients for her. She's also got a touch of malnutrition. Once she gets home she'll be hooked up to a stronger solution. She'll be just fine, Remy. Don't worry." He added to reassure Remy's worried expression.

"Why don't you take a rest? You look like you need it." Hank nodded his head toward a big comfy chair in the corner. Remy's body seemed to scream "sit down!" But his mind begged him to stay up by Rogue's side. Hank seemed to pick up on his discomfort. "Remy, I will wake you up if there are any fluctuations in her vitals. Please, sleep." For a second, Remy considered fighting, but then his mind lost to his body and he slumped into the chair and fell asleep, thinking about how happy he was that he had his Rogue back. 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Rogue awoke with a startle. Her eyes flashed open and she took in a deep breath. It all hurt, but her chest had felt as if the Juggernaut himself had been sitting on her for years. All around her, she heard loud beeping and chiming. She turned her head to the left. Big mistake. The muscles in her neck screeched in protest against her movement. She winced. After the initial pain dissipated, it died down to a dull throbbing. She took another breath, this time a shaky one. She looked around. She was in the med bay. The med bay! She was home! For a second, she was so happy she couldn't breathe. Then she remembered she had to. She began coughing and sputtering. She reached up to wipe her face. She had a breathing mask over her mouth and nose, her arms were covered up in bandages, and she was connected to wires everywhere.

She tried to call out but her voice wouldn't obey her. After several tries, she was just about ready to give up. Finally, she heard footsteps outside in the hall. They were heavy and slow in pace. Suddenly, the sound began to frighten her and she began to remember- the sound heavy, black, stiff combat boots belonging to a scientist coming to take yet another sample of her being was projected into her mind. She began to hyperventilate and the heart monitors came flashing to life. She began to struggle and whimper. A familiar, husky voice shouted outside- "She's wakin' up!" The footsteps began to quicken and for a second she listened to her breathing, sharp, weak, and wavering. In that moment, Rogue realized just how weak she had become. How weak they had made her. But she couldn't remember who they were.

"Rogue! Rogue, baby- please calm down. I'm here now; no one will hurt you I promise!" Logan came busting through the doors and ran to the table. He began to stroke her hair and speak softly, which was very unlike him. "I'm here. Don't worry." He repeated, each time pulling her closer to him. She inhaled his scent. Cigars, beer and wood. She could feel her heart rate slowing down. She began taking deep breaths and she heard the monitors quieting. "That's my girl." Logan said, cradling her. She listened to her shallow breaths and her heart began to break. This is what she is reduced to. Shaky breaths and vulnerability. She felt like crying but knew she would upset Logan.

"Ah'm okay." She managed to squeak out. Logan looked down at her, a loving expression strewn across his face. "Sure? I could go get Hank-" Rogue cut him off. "No. Ah want yah tah stay with me. Please?" Logan pulled up a stool to sit on and placed it next to the bed. When he sat upon it, it made a loud 'clunk' noise. She smiled weakly. Logan came close to the table and looked down at her. She then struggled to reach his large hands. He moved them towards her and then she pulled away. "No." She whispered. "I can't. " she wanted to cry but didn't wish to alarm him. She found the strength within her and gave him a genuine smile.

"What did Ah miss?" She shivered. Logan let out a laugh, a sound Rogue loved. It was warm, deep and expansive, a good sound- and she knew that not many people got to hear it. Logan was her family, one of the people that made it so hard for her to leave. But she did it anyway. Night after night, after she left, she asked herself why she would ever leave him. She could remember him always saying that he would protect her, and take care of her, but she left him. She knew he would forgive her, but she doubted she would ever forgive herself. She left the only place she ever truly called home and for what? An injection, which then turned into her captivity.

"Not much. I mean we gained about 30 new kids, redecorated a bit, but that's all." Rogue nodded. "What's new with you?" Logan looked down at her, puzzled. "Um... Well, I actually haven't left. Since you didn't come back home after the procedure, we sorta knew something went wrong. So we began to search for you, first at the facility. We gained some information from the employees there and then we began searches in other places. This last one we found you at, was the last straw. We didn't know what direction we would take after this. But Remy," Logan said the name with a certain discomfort. "Remy was the one who made us stay and check one last time."

Rogue had almost forgotten about Remy. She silently cursed herself. "How is he?" She asked silently. Logan's face lost its soft comforting expression and took on one of seriousness. His jaw tightened and his eyes lost their happy spark. "Well, he certainly is much better now that you're back." Rogue could feel the worry boiling up in her stomach. "What was wrong before?" "He...let himself go a bit. Not that he's fat- the complete opposite. He just, took it harder than most, yah know?" Rogue clenched her teeth and nodded. "What did Ah do?" She whispered to herself, eyes closed. "No, Stripes. Don't do that to yourself. You made a decision and that's fine. But we all just missed you." Rogue was silent. "But let's forget all of that, yeah?" Rogue nodded in agreement. "Come on. You need a walk outside. I'll get Hank to come down and check you outa here." Logan left to go get Hank.

The sun outside was unbearable. Rogue had forgotten how pale she must appear. 3 years in a test facility was too long. As Logan pushed her around the school grounds, she received strange looks from children she had never seen before. She began to feel horrible when she heard Logan snarl to a group of staring kids, "Mind yer own beeswax." She also saw people that she did know. A mutant named Boom Boom or Tabitha held the same shocked expression on her face but quickly shook it off and smirked. "Jeez Rogue, I heard you were sick, but not dead!" She snickered. Rogue got ready to cringe at Logan's remark, but he made none. He just wheeled past her.

They finally got to the back door. Logan stopped her and opened it for her and Rogue wheeled herself through the door. The second she had, she wished she hadn't. All she saw was a flash of blue and she smelled brimstone. He was before her in an instant. "Rogue!" A harsh German accent resounded in the lobby. As soon as Kurt had exclaimed her name, the room swarmed with X-Men, all simultaneously gasping 'Rogue?' It was becoming a bit too much for her and she began breathing a bit heavier, as if the air in the room was hot and humid. "Guys give her a bit of space." Logan declared. Rogue silently thanked God for his super hearing.

Kitty came up to her, tears falling down her face. "Oh Rogue." She said quietly. The room was silent. She looked like she wanted to say something but her oncoming tears wouldn't let her. Rogue looked up at the small framed, shaking girl and smiled. "Whassa matter Kitty? Cat got yahr tongue?" She gave a shaky laugh, and then her smile faltered. "I want to hug you. Can I?" Rogue let a big smile out and held out her arms to the crying girl. To this action, Kitty threw herself at Rogue, being careful that they didn't touch, she squeezed Rogue. "Rogue-" she said sobbing. "I thought we had lost you!" Kitty was literally trembling, so Rogue stroked her hair and made 'shh' sounds, just as Kitty used to. "No more cryin Kitty Cat-I'm home." She whispered.

Professor's strong voice called out her name. "Rogue." He said it with such love that Rogue felt she would cry herself. "Hi Professor." She said, sounding small. "My wonderful Rogue," he said, a wide smile spreading across his face. Storm was pushing him and looked down at her as well. "Welcome home, love." Storm's winter white hair had gotten so long, it now reached to her upper thighs. She looked beautiful. Professor laughed and said, "I believe you understand the way I feel now." He said gesturing towards her wheelchair. "Ah think Ah do." She said laughing. Professor leaned over and wrapped Rogue in a warm hug. He smelled of peppermint and soap. She smiled. She was home. 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3  
Remy heard the commotion downstairs and knew in that instant that he would have to see her. No more hiding in his room. He finished his beer bottle and outed his cigar. He went to his bathroom and looked in the mirror. He felt for his beard and decided it was about time he cut it down. He grabbed the small amount of shaving cream he had and smeared it on his chin. He began to gently glide the razor across his face. After he finished, he washed the shaving cream off and looked into the mirror. He could visibly see with his eyes how much he had let himself go. His face, which once held a mischievous smirk now held a frown. His usual glint of happiness in his eye was now gone. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, giving him a quite frightening demeanor. His body, once the peak of physical perfection, was lacking attractive muscle tone. He was a mess. She deserved to see him the way he had always appeared to her and he made a promise that he would try his very best to please her.

He quickly jumped into the shower and scoured every inch of his being to try and rid himself of the cigarette odor. After, he stepped out, and threw on a plain white t shirt, blue denim jeans and black boots. He combed his wet hair and let it loose to dry. Finally he brushed his teeth, and looked in the mirror. He looked only slightly better- but nothing else could be done. He decided that he would have to go down just as he was.

He got into the elevator and hit the lobby button. As he went down, he could feel his insides churning about and he began to feel nauseated. He was so nervous his hands began to tremble. Finally, the elevator car came to a halt and Remy's heart went up into his throat. The doors opened and he could see no one. His heart slowed it's frantic beating and he cautiously stepped out. He heard faint laughter and chatter towards the main TV viewing room, so he reluctantly followed the sound.

As he entered the room, all speaking stopped and Kitty gave a small gasp. He looked around the room and couldn't see her anywhere. "Ah- uhh, Remy heard ya'll chattin' down ere and taught he come join y'all." Kurt looked at him for a long second and smiled. "Sure Remy. Dat vould be great!" He smiled, little fangs glistening. Remy took a seat next to Scott who gave him a warm smile. Everyone's chatter slowly began up again and soon Remy was left alone with his thoughts.

Rogue had gone to the bathroom to wash off her face and to catch her breath. She froze when she heard his deep, warm voice through the doors. She was terrified of what he would think of her appearance. She looked in the mirror. Her face was so pale she even scared herself. Her emerald green and gold-flecked eyes that usually held their charming sparkle now were flat and dimensionless. She had lost the rosy warmth to her cheeks and her hair she wore back in a tight ponytail instead of its free and wavy manner. She washed her face once more with warm water and stepped out shakily from the bathroom.

As she sat down in her wheelchair she could hear the commotion from down the hallway. She took a deep breath and pushed herself slowly towards the living room. She finally got to the entrance and looked out towards the group that sat amass the couch and the surrounding floor and subtly cleared her throat. Then she saw him and her heart stopped.

Remy was sitting in the corner of the room in the old lazy boy, as beautiful as she remembered. His eyes were as enigmatic as she recalled. He had lost a considerable amount of weight, but he still towered over most and his shoulders were broad and his arms looked as warm and inviting as they always did. Hardly anyone in the room made a sound because of all the tension in the air. She could almost hear her heart beating in its weak cage and her breathing she could hear was sharp and jagged. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Then she noticed that she had stopped breathing because as soon as she did, she began to cough- a hollow and rough sound that seemed to increase the pressure in the room.

Remy went ridgid and she was afraid that she had frightened him. Logan rushed over and began to gently rub her back. For some strange reason, her body wouldn't listen to her mind in an effort to stop it's hacking, so it appeared to most, that she was fighting for air. Kitty, Kurt and Scott stood up but through her gasps and spasms, she managed to sputter out, "No, no- Ah'm fine." Hank rushed over with a large tank of what looked like oxygen and a clear plastic mask and gently strapped it around her face. He pushed a button and a whooshing sound filled the room and her lungs expanded with fresh air.

After she could feel her lungs returning to their natural pace, the embarrassment hit her. She could feel the blood rushing to her face and tried to will it back, but she couldn't. She pulled the mask off, despite Logan's protests and looked at each X Man square in the face. She finally locked eyes with Remy and her whole body went numb. He looked terrified- the same look he always got when his past was brought up- the scared look of a child: defenseless and desolate. She felt horrible. She hadn't seen him in 3 years and the first thing she did was scare him half to death.

"Ah'm alright, really." She croaked. She and Remy both jumped at the sound of her voice, her reaction a bit animated. She looked down at her feet, ashamed of herself. Then, the most joyous sound filled the room- Remy's laughter. It was a large, expansive sound with just a hint of mischievousness in it. Her head snapped back up to look at him and so did everyone else to see Remy howling in laughter holding his stomach. A large smile spread across Rogue's face and she too began to giggle. "Ah see much ain't changed. Remy still takes yo breath away." He said chortling. Rogue snorted. The rest of the X-men looked at the pair in total confusion.

When they were finished, Remy's face relaxed into a light smile. He reached over and pulled the white strands away from Rogue's face. "Welcome home Chere." She smiled warmly and Remy got up. "Wanna go for a stroll?" "Ah'd love tah!" Hank interjected. "Please, make sure you bring your oxygen tank, Rogue. And if anything goes wrong, alert the Professor, please." Remy nodded. "Ah'll take care of the baby, don y'all worry." Rogue giggled.

As soon as they were out of the building, Rogue felt better once again. Her head cleared and her airways were open. She took deep breaths, this time, inhaling the fresh air. She could smell the freshly cut grass, and as they passed them, Storm's beautiful garden. A flower appeared next to her ear. "For you." Remy offered. "Yah know, if Storm finds out yah plucked a flower from her collection, you'll have nothin but pants full o' lightning." Remy laughed darkly. "What Stormy don know won kill 'er." He parked her by a bench which he proceeded to sit on and face her.

Remy though he was going to throw up he was so nervous. He twiddled his fingers for a bit and they just sat there, staring at one another. It was strange. He looked into her large emerald orbs and he just about melted. "Yah okay, Swamp Rat?" He snapped back to reality and chuckled softly. "Peachy, River Rat." A large smile spread across her beautiful face, and every one of her features began to glow. "Ah missed yah callin meh that." "Me too, Rogue. Me too."

Logan watched the two from the large bay window in the living room. It hurt to watch Rogue in such a vulnerable place. He wished that he could take her place sometimes and that she could be happy. Truly happy. She suffered way too much for a girl her age. And he- a person who was pretty much always in pain- felt sorry for her.

But now, watching her speak to Remy for the first time, gave him hope. Hope that Rogue could be herself again. At first he had to admit. Watching Remy push her away in her wheelchair was really hard. So hard he had to hold himself back from running after her. But he guessed that's what happens when you love someone as much as he loved Rogue. Not in the romantic way, but the kind of love a father would show his daughter. He could still remember the first time they met in that bar in Canada where Logan used to cage fight. She was small, and fragile looking, but her soul shone through her eyes. Broken and hopeless. Such a big emotion for such a small person. But he could tell she was hurting because he'd seen the same look he had every morning that he peered into the mirror.

And he could remember her walking around the bar, stepping over the broken glass and spilled liquids, wisely weaving her way through the bar fight crowds and making her way to the tabletop. She was smart, and fast. He could remember that small little 13 year old. But now, watching her- 6 years later, he could see how much she had changed and he had to say, he was proud of who she had become. He hoped letting her breathe for a bit on her own would be good for her.

He felt a small, yet strong hand rest on his left shoulder. He turned to face sky blue eyes contrasting against mocha skin. "Stormy." Logan sighed. She gave him a beautiful and radiant smile. "How are you?" Her voice was deep, full and strong. "I'm doing..." He couldn't finish his sentence because he was watching Rogue. Her features began to illuminate with laughter as she listened to Remy speak. She's gonna be okay. He thought. 


End file.
